Lady Charlotte Magazine

A lifestyle magazine for stylish and intelligent women.

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Fendi’s New Mascots

Fendi recently introduced two furry mascots known as the Fendiruma, life sized versions of two of their newest bag charms. The Fendiruma are making the rounds, celebrating Fendi pop up shops and store openings, and even attending the Fall 2016 runway show. The mascots are heavily influenced by Japanese culture and love of all things kitsch (and according to W magazine, the Japanese pop duo, Kigurumi).

My problem with the Fendiruma is they seem off-brand. Fendi recently showed a stunning and immaculately detailed collection post couture week at the Trevi Fountain in Rome. The show was breathtaking and the models walked on a runway of clear glass suspended over the fountain, with Kendall Jenner opening the show and Bella Hadid closing. So, how does Fendi go from ethereal beauty to tacky telletubbies?

Fendi should leave the Fendirumi in Japan and let the clothes speak for themselves. The western world has embraced Fendi’s furry bag charms, but the Fendirumi are garish and tawdry. This is not a smart move for an atelier that, in their own words, revolutionIzed fur.

 

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Women Seeking Rich Husbands

Welcome Ladies, to the first annual convention for Women Seeking Rich Husbands. I am extremely pleased with today’s turnout and our fast increasing membership. I look at your bright, hopefuly faces and am reminded of our motto: “It doesn’t matter what he looks like; it matters what his financial statments look like.

Before I tell you about the exciting events we have scheduled, I want to extend my thanks to the Planning Committee, who worked tirelessy to secure this brilliant location on Wallstreet. Wallstreet is recognized the world over as workplace for some of our nation’s wealthiest men. In the building next door alone, we have a generous selection of lawyers, investment bankers, hedge fund managers, and business tycoons. But lets not get ahead of ourselves, ladies. There will be more on that during Wednesday’s lecture, “Your friend the elevator: how to land the rich man in the building next door.”

To kick off our convention, we will welcome best-selling author, Ivanna Richman, who recently published a new book, “Down the Aisle and Straight to the Bank.” Most of you are familiar with Richman’s other books, including “The Art of Marriage: Refusing a Prenup,” and “The Art of Divorce: Getting what you Deserve.”

At 12:00 we will break for lunch. The Planning Committee has prepared a list of nearby restaurants categorized by menu and the occupation and bank account size of the men that frequent them.

After lunch you will rotate between four half-hour workshops led by some of New York’s most notable socialites, who have turned marrying well into an art form. In Workshop 1, “If I were a Rich Man,” you will learn to distinguish between young men with real ambition, versus those suffering from The Tevia Complex, who have the dream but not the drive. In Workshop 2, “Law or Loser” we will go over which types of lawyers make the most money and which lawyers work for the love of the profession. Remember ladies, Pro Bono is a NoNo. In Workshop 3, “The Hospital Dating Pool; Looking at the Bright Side of Surgery,” you will learn when its appropriate to ask out your single doctor or anesthesiologist. Finally, in Workshop 4, “I Loved a Really Old Man and All I Got was This Lousy Tshirt,” we hear from experts on The Anna Nicole Smith case and where she went wront. Always get it in writing, Ladies!

I now turn the podium over to Mrs. Ivanna Richman. Let’s give her a warm welcome. She knows what she’s talking about.

 

(Written when I was 20)

The New Feminism

Thank you, Gloria Steinem, for all you have done in the past for women and the feminist movement, but I’m afraid we no longer need you. There’s a new feminism and your way of thinking is simply too antiquated. Today’s women understand that intelligence and sexuality are not mutually exclusive and we think for ourselves.

In a recent interview with Bill Maher, Steinem shamed young women who supported Bernie Sanders in the 2016 primaries by commenting, “When you’re young, you’re thinking, ‘Where are the boys? The boys are with Bernie.'” Steinem is implying that young women couldn’t possibly support Sanders for reasons other than they are hoping to find a date at his political events, and as women, we should automatically support Hillary Clinton.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with young women hoping to meet men who share their political beliefs. Second, and more important, the very canon of feminism is that women are intelligent enough to vote and make our own decisions. By simply voting for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman, we are making a mockery of all the women who fought for our right to vote in the first place. If you truly believe Clinton is the best candidate, then by all means, vote for her. But be a true feminist and make an informed decision.

Last Will and Testament

I , Elisa D, being of (somewhat) sound mind and body, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and codicils and any shit written on a napkin or the back of an old Starbucks receipt previously by me.

I appoint my bestie, Molly, as my Personal Representative to administer this Will and make sure that my enemies do not loot the contents of my closet.

I direct my Personal Representative to pay out of my estate whatever I still owe to the bloodsuckers at Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue. Why don’t I just give them my first born while I’m at it?!

I devise, bequeath, and give my Fashion Photography Collection to The Philadelphia Museum of Art, with instructions that they put up a bigass plaque with my name on it and throw a gala to celebrate my generosity and fabulous taste. But to my gay BFF, Ryan, I leave any photos that show a woman’s tits so that he may enjoy the sweet irony. He also gets dibs on anything leather or remotely kinky in my closet.

I give my television and my shitty DVD player from Target to my building’s concierge, Wellington, so that he has something to entertain him now that I’m gone. Just put my stack of DVD’s by the curb and see if anyone wants them. If no one takes my copy of Weekend at Bernie’s, consider that the downfall of society.

I give my squash racket to my personal trainer, William, but hope that he would feel too guilty to ever play again with anyone else because it just would not be the same because I am one of a kind.

I donate my sexy lingerie and corset collection to whichever of my female friends are divorced at the time of my death and need them to woo a new man because let’s face it ladies, you aren’t getting any younger and you need all the help you can get (I kind of have a hunch who all will get divorced but I better keep my mouth shut).

I give my furniture, specifically my cat-pee stained mattress (thanks Blackberry) and a rickety nightstand to my friend Adam because he won’t give a shit that it sucks he just likes taking my things.

And now for the good stuff. I give my Rick Owens runway vest to Ayumi because you totally get the whole Rick Avant Garde thing. Ayumi can also have all my fashion and art books if she can arrange a way to schlep them home.

I give my Alaia dresses to Terry because i was a total ass about not lending them to her after that time she borrowed one and it came back smelling of perfume which I’m legit allergic to.

I give my Chanel thigh high boots to…wait nevermind, I wanna be buried in those bad boys.

I give my Chanel clothes, hats, fingerless gloves, and headbands to my BFF and Personal Representative, Molly, because she will either totally appreciate them or she will sell them in her store and totally appreciate the cash.

I give my Fendi and Dior clothes to my sister, Laura, even though her skinny ass will have to have them taken in several sizes. And i give my fur jacket and scarf collection to Ayumi. Wear them well, my friend. Wear them well.

As for any expensive jewelry my future husband is going to buy for me whether he likes it or not, I leave it all to my mom. Actually, my mom has dibs and first right of refusal on basically everything because I owe her gabillions of dollars.

To my friends I left nothing to, please know that does not mean I didn’t love you. I probably just didn’t love you enough to leave you any of my super cool stuff.

Also, I authorize Molly to pull the plug on me should I ever be hospitalized and no longer able to online shop. Please do not give my future husband plug pulling ability, as surely I will make him crazy and he will pull the plug on me for nothing short of a hangnail.

I know that Jews have closed caskets at their funerals, but if I’m having a good hair day feel free to give people just a peak.

Thank you and Peace Out.

Go Fund Me

Hello. My name is Elisa and I need your help. I need a shit ton of cash to get Neiman Marcus and their band of collection agents off my back. So, through no fault of my own, well not really, well maybe a little, ok so it’s totally my fault, I charged a ton of cute stuff to my Neimans account this year. But the problem is I’m currently unemployed because of, like, the economy. I have a license to practice law but I just can’t bear the thought of wearing those icky, androgynous pantsuits like Hillary Clinton- I don’t care if her clothes are all Armani and Oscar de la Renta, they still look horrible. So what I really need is for you guys to give me money and keep me out of debtor’s prison because no one looks cute under fluorescent lighting. Orange may be the new black, but not with my dark hair and cool undertones.

And here’s the thing, I need your money like right away because the new Fall runway is hitting the stores and I reserved the Fendi coat that Kendall Jenner wore to open the show and I really think it will look amazing on me because at least two people have told me that if you squint really hard and its dark out and possibly a bit foggy that I kind of look like Kendall. And I’ve been working out at the gym all year to look good in this coat and my trainer actually made me do stuff (so rude) and I only ate at Shake Shack sometimes but I compromised and got a single burger instead of a double which is basically dieting and making a huge sacrifice. I even made it through half a day on an intense juice cleanse and gave up carbs for a bit (except for frappacinos which don’t count obviously).   So here is the best part, if you give me your money now you will get the satisfaction of knowing you helped me look really cute and got me back in Neiman’s good graces so I can show my face at Bergdorfs and charge stuff on my account without the SWAT team coming after me. And if you are really lucky you will see me looking fabulous in line at Starbucks in my new Fendi coat. But please don’t touch it or rub up against it or try to talk to me. Ok thanks byeee.

Fall Trend Alert: Patches

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Patches are turning up everwhere for fall 2016. The new collection of canvas Gucci Dionysus bags feature colorful, embroidered patches of flowers, birds, and butterflies. At Marc Jacobs and Anya Hindmarch you can buy assorted patches and stickers for your hangbag and denim jackets. Too lazy to stick them on yourself? Mr. And Mrs. Italy has got you covered with patch heavy parkas and army inspired denim bomber jackets. You don’t have to be a girl scout to get in on the action this fall!

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Is It Fall Yet?

Right now its 88 degrees and sunny with low humidity. But instead of enjoying this beautiful summer day in the city, I’m holed up in my apartment with the blinds closed and the AC blasting. If I do venture out later, I’ll be shellacked head to toe in sunblock spf 90 and wearing head to toe black. No, I’m not a vampire. I’m just one of those girls that despises summer and lives for fall and winter. Quite frankly, I can’t understand why I haven’t found more people like me. How on earth do people actually enjoy dripping in sweat as soon as they head out the door? Or watching your carefully ironed hair turn into a frizzy mop? Or feeling your makeup melt off your skin? Ugh, I just can’t.

I’ve always said, a person can only get so naked in the summer to avoid the heat before they get arrested. But in the winter you can layer up as much as you want in different textures of sweaters and coats and furs and drink delicious hot chocolate (full disclosure: I drink ice lattes all year round).

I don’t think I’ve ever anticipated the fall/winter season as much as this year. 2016 is going to be a glorious fashion season for winter girls. Some winters there are great knits and sweaters, but this time around, its all about the outerwear.

As temperatures begin to drop by late September (God willing), I’m transitioning with jeans and a Moschino mens leather moto jacket with removeable tails or my MM6 faux leather and shearling oversized moto vest from last season’s Joan Shepp sale. When October rolls around, I’ll pair a long gown or sleeveless knit Alaia dess with a Rick Owens black shearling distressed leather vest I scored in last year’s Barneys sale to the opening night of the Opera. And I just got a stunning rasberry pink cashmere capelet from Fendi with mink trim sleeves which will look to die with basically anything. For cooler weather, I’m somewhat emarrassed to admit I got a Yeezy Season One black cropped shearling jacket in the Barneys Warehouse sale. But hey, its gorgeous and it was a steal, so who cares.

Beginning in November I’m dipping into my collection of Lilly E Violetta origin assured fox fur scarves in pink, powder blue, white, and navy for daytime. I throw them over a plain sweater or sweatshirt from Allsaints and black leggings and sneakers to run errands in the city or walk to the gym. (I might break out the pink scarf in October for breast cancer awareness). For nighttime I’m dying to wear my Lilly E Violetta white with black stars fox fur jacket, or my Charlotte Simone shearling puffy bomber. Either piece would look great with jeans and booties, or over a simple tshirt dress and thigh high boots.

But the real deliciousness begins in January or February. For snowdays I’m pulling out my Moncler parka with fur trim hood I got on sale at Neiman Marcus last spring. And chilly, casual days I’m alternating between a grey Louis Vuitton double breasted long coat I purchased at Harrods in 2010, a hot pink Chanel tweed coat with leather ties from 2014, and a new Fendi coat from Look 1 Fall/Winter 2016 runway that I’m obsessed with and will be purhasing when it arrives in August.

Lets talk about Fendi for a moment. Fendi originated as a furrier company and continues to produce some of the most fabulous furs on the runways today. With Karl Lagerfeld as creative director, its no surprise they produced one of the most exciting shows in Milan for the upcoming winter season. Their fur bag bug and Karlito charms have been a huge trend the past couple years (can’t believe I don’t own one what the heck is wrong with me??) and the charms translated to the runway this seaon on fur monster coats. Some people dismiss the look, saying they look like Muppets, but they have a 70s nostalgiac feel that’s pretty fabulous if you can pull it off (I can’t). The coat that I’m lusting after is 3/4 sleeves, blue with a green and white fox fur collar, and oversize button detail. Kendall Jenner wore it down the runway to open the show so naturally, everybody is obsessed and I’ve pretty much based my entire future happiness on the prospect of owning this coat.

Speaking of my life’s happiness, I could be extra deliriously happy if someone were to surprise me with the Marc Jacobs runway leather jacket with blue fur accents on the shoulders. Oh, and I’ll also take a Mr. And Mrs. Italy parka with a pink fur trimmed hood. Just sayin.

Now, complete these looks with Chanel fingerless gloves and a knit beanie (black Thomas Wylde with crystal skull embellisment, for me) and be ready to rule the streets this winter!

Fendi fall/winter 2016 runway. picture from Vogue.com

Fendi fall/winter 2016 runway. picture from Vogue.com

Marc Jacobs fall/winter 2016 runway. picture from Vogue.com

Marc Jacobs fall/winter 2016 runway. picture from Vogue.com

Mr. and Mrs. Italy parka from Barneys.com

Mr. and Mrs. Italy parka from Barneys.com

Royal Baubles from Andrew Prince

This afternoon I met up with British jewelry designer, Andrew Prince, at the Kentshire boutique in Bergdorf Goodman. Mr. Prince brought with him several tiaras he designed for Downton Abbey. For those of you who are unfamilar with the BBC series, he also designed Miss Piggy’s wedding jewels in Muppets Most Wanted. He revealed that Miss Piggy is close to life-size, but he had to make a tiara small enough to sit between her ears. He also spent some time playing with my hair and fitting me with his gorgeous crystal tiaras.

For more information, visit http://www.andrewprince.co.ukimageimage

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Burning Guitars at Philly Fashion Week

Burning Guitars was the standout collection from this evening’s menswear show at The Ritz Carlton. Designer Smiley Jonez uses original textiles based on hand drawn designs. Many of the prints are quilted together using different textures and fabrics, from faux croc and metallics, to fair aisle knits and leather fringe. The collection offers new takes on classic pieces like letterman jackets and apres ski sweaters. There were references to musicians, cartoons, and pop culture icons, as well as influences from race car drivers, retro skating rinks, and Matisse’s cutouts. There was even a jacket with a built-in backpack– talk about functional! Burning Guitars is available at Joan Shepp in Rittenhouse and also makes designs for women with bold prints and figure-flattering lycra.

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